Winning the Woes of “What-if-itis”

“Oh, what if we hadn’t come to Florida for a family visit!”

My brother-in-law’s voice bellowed above the rest of our chattering clan, leaving us speechless and a bit stunned.

Our family clan had gathered at my brother’s house for a reunion and my sister’s young infant was napping on my brother’s bed. Naturally, when the time came to get the baby up, I jumped at the chance. I mean, there’s nothing like retrieving a delicate baby rising from slumber. (Am I right?)

I distinctly remember making comment to myself about the extreme height of the dog gate in the bedroom doorway as I hoisted my legs over successfully, with an added abrupt hop at the end.

Unfortunately, the return trip out of the bedroom didn’t go so smoothly.

With precious little Ashley in my arms, my first leg got over the gate with little effort. When I swung my other leg up however, my toes met the tip of the gate and down I went . . . with the baby.

My ONLY concern was to protect the baby at all costs. As I held my niece snug, shielding her with my arms, I fell with brute force onto the edge of a Ficus tree adorning my brother’s living room before rolling to the floor. My little niece, though completely unscathed, burst into a high-pitched scream from the shock of the event. Picking up myself and the wailing baby, I walked toward the family room where the rest of my gang was gathered.

“She’s okay, she’s not hurt! The baby’s okay.” I uttered repeated reassurance as I entered the room.

Scanning the faces of my family, I noted eyes widening, and mouths dropping open. Yeah, the baby was fine, but me? Not so much. Turned out my left arm took the brunt of the fall onto that Ficus tree, resulting with my left arm being impaled by a twig. And, unbeknownst to me, this left the insides of the top of my arm hanging, well, . . . outside of my arm. (A trip to the E.R. and twelve stiches later, I was fine.)

As we all discussed the event, the questions arose, and the ruminating began. What if the baby had fallen? What if the baby had gotten hurt? Then, we added a few “if onlys” to the mix. What, if only, the gate hadn’t been so high? What if someone taller had gone to get the baby? What if the gate hadn’t been up at all? It was then that my brother-in-law exposed our absurdity with his proclamation, “Oh, what if we hadn’t come to Florida for a family visit!”

While true, the event never would’ve happened if they hadn’t come for a visit, we instantly became aware of the ridiculousness of our speculations.

Reflecting on that event, I’m reminded of how often I’ve come down with occasional bouts of “what-if-itis.” Things I’ve questioned in my life that kept me from moving forward, or things I’ve triple-analyzed after they’ve already occurred, keeping me focused on the past and allowing my “if only” scenarios to rob me of being fully in the present.

Things like:

What if I lose my job?

What if I can’t learn my NEW job?

What if a loved one gets sick?

What if my plane crashes?

What if I can’t pay my mortgage?

What if the spot on my arm is cancer?

What if I fail?

What if I succeed?

What if no one likes me?

(What if I trip over the dog gate with my baby niece in my arms?)

The list goes on and on.

Can you relate?

In scanning the above list, one thing seems to be the predominant cause of most cases of “what-if-itis”:

FEAR.

Even though much of what we fear happening often never does, our fear keeps us treading water in a sea of doubt, preventing us from trying new things, trusting our circumstances, and from living our moments to the fullest.

When we fear the uncertainty of our outcomes, we sabotage our ability to have peace of mind.

Yeah, but . . . things do happen in life, don’t they? They do . . . still, there are a few, helpful ways to keep the whispers of “what-ifs” from growing into deafening roars.

1. Record your thoughts. Writing down your thoughts and giving attention to what you are thinking and feeling gives you a sense of being in control, rather than being a victim.
2. Retrain your brain. Changing your emotional channel to expect things to go well makes it easier to have a new perspective.
3. Face your fear. Embracing our fear, rather than trying to push it away helps us learn to accept uncertainty. When we realize that fear is present in part to “protect” us, we can begin to bolster our tolerance for anxiety and alter our emotional response.
4. Take action. Finding ways to take small steps to address your fear turns negative worry into productive optimism. Action squelches anxiety.

“What-if-itis” is not an incurable disease. The next time you find yourself rattling off a chorus of “what ifs,” take a moment to acknowledge yourself. Recognize and believe that optimism, strength, and often sheer determination already lies inside you. Remember, we often overestimate our challenges and underestimate the resiliency of our spirits.

Finally, remember one of my favorite anonymous quotes:

“The only thing you have to fear is fear itself . . . and spiders.”  (wink-wink)