Beware the Web: 7 Ways to Keep from Getting Caught by a “Spider”

The hideous creature skittered back and forth in rapid fashion across the lens of the camera. As the ferocious critter extended its hairy legs to gather and spin, I was convinced this was a gargantuan Wolf Spider, determined to find an entrance from the back corner of our block house into our master bedroom.

My hubby glanced in my direction, detecting the terror on my face as the spider continued its cross-patterned scrambling.

“Oh, Honey,” he said, rolling his eyes. “It’s just a tiny spider. The lens of the security camera just makes him look much bigger.”

I didn’t believe him, but okay, whatever.

Sitting in my husband’s office, sipping our coffee, we witnessed the skillful, creepy engineer hard at work spinning, which, apparently was somewhat of a treat, since most spider web-designing occurs under the cloak of darkness. Finally, like an angler with a baited hook, he came to an abrupt stop, and waited.

Then . . . it happened.

Some poor soul on a leisurely flight around the corner of our home crashed into the silky web, finding himself instantly stripped of its defenses. As if from the script of a gruesomeness movie, the sinister spider crawled at lightning speed to its struggling prey, making several wraps of a sticky, silk blanket until all squirming ceased. It was both a horrific and marvelous sight to behold. The following quote instantly came to my mind:

“O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!”  — Walter Scott

As I watched the spider leave his tasty “wrap” to be savored later, I was reminded of how some people who cross our paths are just like that spider. With their defenses at full alert, they spin a web and lie in wait, only to trap, devour, or perhaps suck the life out of their prey.

We all come across a few, pesky spiders from time to time in our lives. Some spiders, I mean, “people”, who for specific reasons of their own, purposely seek to take advantage of you or me through several different avenues. Some of their deceitful deeds include these:

• Lying – Misrepresenting the truth of the circumstances around them
• Brushing Off – Deliberately ignoring others until they get a desired reaction
• Shame – Putting others down
• Manipulation – Using someone, or coercing one in to believing they need your help, only to blindside them
• Charm and Flattery – Playing on another’s desire for approval (I fall victim to this one!)

The subtle, cunning ways of a “spider” can emotionally ambush you without you even knowing it, until you find yourself trapped . . . perhaps sabotaged into compromising the protection of your own boundaries by helping the spider achieve its dastardly goals.

Can you relate?

There’s good news though.

Awareness is power.

I love this phrase I once came across: You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Repeat that.

Fortunately, there are some ways to deal with the spiders in your world:

1. Realize you have a choice. We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond.

 

2. Think before you respond. Give yourself an opportunity to consider your situation and strategize a way out of a web.

 

3. Be empathetic. Put yourself in the other spider’s (er, “person’s”) shoes to try to understand their motives. This will help you connect with that person and allow you to keep your boundaries.

 

4. Increase your awareness of the manipulation. How are you being coaxed or flattered? What does the person say, and how do they try to make you feel by what they say?

 

5. Learn to say NO.

 

6. Once bitten, twice shy. Learn to discern people who are consistent with their thoughts and actions.

 

7. Innocence before guilt. Evaluate your circumstances and your spider-person; assume the best unless proven otherwise.

 

Look, we all need to be vulnerable in order to connect with each other. With a few, healthy boundaries you can empower yourself to maintain your peace of mind and integrity throughout the process.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

—- Maya Angelou

 

Keep a close look-out for those spiders, y’all!

Oh, and in case you’re wondering—that spider on the other side of the camera lens was not nearly as big and threatening as I imagined.

Things seldom are.