Letting Go of the Grudge

Do you willingly allow someone to have power over you?

I bet you shouted, “No!” immediately. Why would you ever do that, right? But, if you cling to unforgiveness, focusing your mental energy on resentment, you may as well have barbed wire wrapped around your heart.

Nursing a grudge never promotes healing. Our true power exists in letting go of the grudge.

It’s easy to forgive someone who has wronged or hurt us if they recognize the wrong that has been done and is genuinely sorry. Forgiving someone who is unaware of any wrong being done—or possibly doesn’t even care—is quite another story. Everything in our soul cries out against forgiving our offender. We think that the one who hurt us needs to earn forgiveness from us.

The reality is, nursing a grudge against someone only strengthens their power over you.

“The most influential person in your life is the one you refuse to forgive.”

Rev. Susan Sparks

We want people to know we are hurt. We want others to pity our offense or at least sympathize with us. Most of all, we want our “offender” to realize how they have hurt us, even though we often attempt to act as if we aren’t hurt at all. So, we take our grudge with us wherever we go. We nurture it, feed it, and care for it, while drawing continual attention to our woundedness.

Holding on to bitterness presents obstacles to our happiness. Holding a grudge only harms the person who refuses to forgive. Our power lies in letting go of the grudge, which can be a tough cookie to swallow.

Here’s what Jesus says to us in the book of Luke 6:37:

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Notice, Jesus did not qualify the conditions or nature of offenses for us to forgive . . . He just said, “Forgive.”

The apostle, Paul, also admonishes us with this directive in Colossians 3:13:

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

I guess if forgiveness is good enough for Paul, it’s likely a pretty good idea for you and me. And, I certainly desire God’s forgiveness. (Don’t you?)

The challenge lies in treating others (yes, our perpetrators) with genuine kindness to the point that no one will even know we are hurt. Showing mercy to someone who has wronged us doesn’t mean we are excusing what they did. It is only forgiveness though, (letting go of that grudge), that allows us to obtain ultimate freedom from our suffering and pain.

So, how do we let go of the grudge?

Acknowledge your resentment. Become fully aware of what has hurt or offended you and why.

Take a deep breath whenever your offense comes to mind. Be mindful of your emotional and physical response and redirect yourself to relax.

Practice gratitude. When your offenses capture you off guard, remind yourself of the good that exists in your life.

Pray. Allow God’s power through prayer help you forgive your offender so you can undo the control and power they have held over you.

Rest in this truth: God knows when we hurt. He knows the pain of our injustice, insult, betrayal, or cruelty. He knows by whom, by what, where, when, and how. He understands our hurt and feels it with us.

When we become more oriented to Him than other people, we allow God’s strength in us to be greater than our offenses. We can experience freedom from the bondage of the actions of others.

Forgiveness is more about us than the other guy. We don’t forgive because someone deserves it, but rather, so we can release the destructive emotions that hold us captive.

Today, choose to let go of that grudge, give your offenders to God, and live free.

Father God, work in my heart to help me let go of any bitter resentment I may be holding against someone who has hurt me. Empower me to extend the same mercy to others as you have shown to me. I choose to trust in your forgiveness and grace. Amen.